My New (Used) Kirby

Would you purchase a used vacuum?  Well, I did.  As the primary cleaner of the household, I need the proper tools to do a good job.  And living in the desert with dogs running around shedding and dragging it in with them, I needed an ultimate cleaning machine that could handle tile, hardwood, carpet, and the new deep shag rug.

When we moved, we got rid of our old vacuum because the Hoover was nearly 20 years old.  It still worked, but it was stinking and big and bulky.  We got a cheapo machine at Walmart for just over $100, and that served the apartment for the time being.  But once we got our house and 1900 square feet of floors, El Cheapo really proved its worthlessness.  Especially on the day the Kirby salesman came by for a demonstration.

I'll tell you about my Kirby and why I bought a second hand unit.  For many reasons, it is the ultimate vacuum.  For other reasons, it is not for everyone.  My wife will never use it.  It is too much machine for her, too complex.  She liked the simple convenience of the lighter, more useless plastic vacuum which was easy to handle and gave the impression of clean with its transparent bin of dustballs.  I know for a fact that this Kirby is a super-sucker and is doing what it was designed to do, so I can clean with confidence.  And this house gets dirty fast!  

But she's a heavy beast, weighing in at 17 pounds dry weight.  A fully loaded belly and she'll hit 22 pounds!  Based on weight alone I consider it a 'man's machine', with attachable components much like that of a transformer.  In fact, it LOOKS like a transformer, with its chrome metal body and a hood like an old car.  An American Made, industrial strength vacuum.  It is part of my weekly exercise regime.  I call 'Floors Day' my Kirby Workout because it is a physically demanding task that I must do weekly.  I'm OK with it, because I like the exercise and I know I am cleaning and not just flicking dirt around.  It is super powerful, and sounds like a jet engine when you get her going, with a forward drive shaft (or neutral gear) for effortless movement, and a 28 foot power cord that can reach an entire level without having to keep finding the closest outlet.  I would imagine this machine's previous life was doing long hallways in hotels.  Side by side to our El Cheapo unit, there was no comparison.

OH the day the Kirby salesman came by!  That day will live in infamy in our house.  After that I put a 'No Soliciting' sticker on the front door.  It was saturday afternoon, Tanya was watching TV and I was mulling about when the doorbell rang and I answered.  There stood this cute little freckled blonde with her hair pulled back in a pony tail, her face flushed and glowing like she had just come from the gym, so peppy and vibrant.  She had my full attention.  She could have been selling anything, I just wanted to be engaged in whatever conversation she wanted to have for as long as possible.  She wanted to give me a vacuum demonstration, "...just let me do your stairs, it'll only take 15 minutes...", and there was nothing more I wanted than to see this young hottie in her stretchy pants vacuuming my stairs.

I sheepishly went in to Tanya and said, "Hey Tan, there's a lady here wants to vacuum our stairs, is that OK?"

"No way Troy!  Tell her to get the hell out of here!"  My wife knows the sucker she married.  So I returned to the door and made an executive decision to allow this girl into our house to do her demonstration.  She was thrilled, and said she'd be right back.  I told Tanya she was coming in and when the girl came back, she was followed into the house by a large black man.  "Troy, this is Raoul, he will be giving you your demonstration, you two have fun now!" and like that, she was gone and Raoul began.  My jaw dropped.  I was absolutely dumbfounded, and cursed myself for being such a sucker.  But it got much worse.

Have you heard the tale of the vacuum salesman?  How not to let them into your house?  By gawd, it is so true.  Raoul went on and on and on, for about an hour and a half.  He had propositioned Tanya to come sit in on the demonstration and after a while she just lost it.  I have never seen Tanya be so rude to someone.  An unbefore known hatefulness surfaced in her and she glared at me as she walked away right in the middle of his sentence.  I had ruined her afternoon, and I would pay for that later.  He kept going, even though I insisted that he would make no sale today and tried to usher him out.  After a while his sales tactics turned desperate and he started pleading with me to make the purchase to help his family win a trip to Disneyland or something like that.  I eventually started getting aggressive and hateful with him to make him stop talking.  He wouldn't stop.  After an hour and a half, I watched him slowly pack up his things in an awkward, hostile silence.  He tried to make that sale right to the bitter end.

The Kirby sold itself.  The salesman turned me off it completely but the demonstration, up against our plastic machine, proved without a doubt that El Cheapo was not doing what we thought it was doing and that the Kirby was a monster.  A little jet engine powerful enough to pick up a penny off a tile floor and bend it in half when it clicked through the turbine!  There was no doubt in my mind that I needed a better vacuum, but not from this guy.  As a parting shot, Raoul didn't reconnect the catch bin on El Cheapo vacuum after his demonstration and when I picked it up to put it away the bin fell off and the latch assembly broke.  I couldn't fix it, nor could I track down replacement parts.  And so I was forced to purchase a new machine immediately.

I did a lot of shopping but just couldn't shake the demonstration I'd seen.  Despite the salesman, I wanted to get a Kirby.  I found GreatVacs.com online and their stock of refurbished vacuums.  It was a 5 year old machine, half the price of a new one at just over $500.  Expensive?  Time will tell if it was an expensive purchase or not.  They say this machine will still be running strong in 30 years... in 30 years I will be 70 and probably unable to lift it but, I like things that are built to last a long time.  I don't like buying a new vacuum every couple years.  And I really like having the confidence that my vacuum is actually cleaning and not wasting my time pushing dirt around.

As a second hand unit, after a year and a half with it, I must say it is quite heavy, and incredibly loud.  But its a very versatile machine with its different attachments.  There is an attachment for the ass end of it too, so you can use the engine as a blower... for spray painting or leaf blowing... but I haven't done that yet.  Some of the plastic components have started showing their age and cracking.  I have temporarily fixed the cracks with hockey tape, but I will eventually need to invest some more money into it.  Tanya has not used it yet and hates it, but she is OK with never having to do the floors again :)  

Thanks for reading.

TRJ

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